Yo dont text me then not text me
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
the raccoons are back...
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