I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
