Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
