I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize