exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
