She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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