I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
