wrigley field is MILF paradise
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
