sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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