I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
This baby is an asshole
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
