Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
