I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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