haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize