Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
