We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Randomize
