New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
