i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
