woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
A+ Viking dick
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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