Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
