i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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