i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
