also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
