I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
