bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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