YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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