This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
