my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
