My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
