he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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