And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
