I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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