Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
