I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Randomize
