i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize