I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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