I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
