Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
