I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
