Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
