you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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