I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize