Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
