Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
