I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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