Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
