So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
