first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
All I want is dick and wine.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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