Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
