if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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