I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
