honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
