dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
