you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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