he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
