I seem to have left my pride at pride
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
