And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
