I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
