let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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