in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
