he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
