dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
