VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
