So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
