i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
