dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
