bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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