I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
