Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
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