Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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