It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
