I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
