if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
