he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize